Monday, February 28, 2011
Summarizing the feeback you received, looking ahead to your revision
When you finish discussing all three posts, please write a summary of the feedback that your peers gave you and post it to our course blog. In this summary, I would like you to identify 2-3 features of your post that are especially effective in this draft, and 2-3 features that need further work, and explain why they’re effective or not. As you look ahead to completing your final draft, what revisions will you prioritize as a writer?
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I found the peer review very helpful. One thing that i found effective in my draft was the flow of the paper and how it was easy to read. It's very easy to read and it flows well. I think I did a good job of transitioning from paragraph to paragraph and used good words to ease the transition. One thing I think I could do better is make the draft seem less like an objective and more like I really care about it and want to write about it. I do care, but I want that to be very clear when readying my writing.
ReplyDeleteI got good positive feedback from my group. I had good examples to make my audience think about littering and the negative effects of it. I used examples of Colorado and the whole country on fact about littering. I need to work on the 6 questions more. I was doing too much of a research paper rather then using the writing tools that I have learned.
ReplyDeleteformat. good points but use ethos more.
ReplyDeleteThree strong aspects of my paper is the format, the persuasive evidence, and amount of information within the paper. The format makes the paper read smoothly and easy to follow. All the persuasive evidence connects to the readers to listen to the points. The information that i place into the paper relates to Colorado which is also good. Three things I need to work on is providing more specific examples of ethos, pathos, and logos within the entire paper. I also need more articles about Colorado specifically that can relate as well. One last thing I need more of is less facts but more persuasion. These three things are going to be my focus to make my paper more persuasive and a strong piece of writing.
I feel the feedback I received from my group was very constructive. One thing that I should be leery of is making sure I answer all of the questions I ask of the audience. And I also need to not overdo it. Another thing that I might have to do is make sure than my Enaergeia is clear as to what I’m describing. Bringing the definition of drug abuse closer to the beginning of my piece may help that. Making the picture of what I’m describing more obvious will help, too. In addition, I am going to drop a paragraph, or change how to start it. The thing that my group said I did well was my appeal to kairos was effective. Another thing was my appeal to pathos was well executed. Also, in reference to the questions, they are effective in making the audience think. Just don’t overdo it…
ReplyDeleteMoving forward, I think I need to do a little more research. It will help improve my appeal to ethos, as it will show that I have worked on this subject. It’ll show that I know at least a little bit of what I’m talking about. Also, I think I need to take a look at the stasis questions. They might help shape my paper a little more, as well as augment it in general.
Shelby and Jenn gave me a lot of good advice for my final paper. They think I am off to a good start with my paper and that I have a good thought of a focus but I haven’t worked a lot on it so it is hard to know exactly what is working well. There are many things that I need to work on. First of all, they mentioned that I need to add extrinsic evidence to my paper and I know that this will help me to strengthen my argument. However, I also need to find a balance between the evidence and my own appeal as a writer. Another thing that I need to do which will help me develop my appeal is to have a more clear audience. I need to refine and tell exactly who my audience so I can focus my paper more easily. As far as stylistically they noticed and so did I, when I was reading my paper out loud I was very repetitive in my phrases and words that I used throughout my paper.
ReplyDeleteI received positive feedback from my group. I appealed to pathos by using an intense story of a rape victim as well as listing some statistics about rape and sexual assault from the past several years. The statistics also helped a lot with appeal to kairos given they are from recent years and give the reader an idea as to how common the event is and how it is done. Both Joey and Alice said they were able to pick out the audience fairly easy. In terms of what needs to be improved on or added, there were several things. Mostly, I need to just continue writing. A stronger appeal to ethos is necessary other than citing sources. Also, I need to elaborate on the reasons people are not seeking the help of aid centers as well as ways to start eliminating these concerns and improve treatment strategies. I need to cut down some of the story because it is a bit over whelming. I think I need to look more closely at the myths and thoughts I provide at the beginning and cut the ones that are not necessarily addressed in the rest of the piece. The final suggestion was to include more explanations as to what is wrong with the aid centers towards the beginning.
ReplyDeleteCont'd...(my computer died)
ReplyDeleteI also think I need to base my paper more off what was on the sheet with the list of 6 questions to consider. As of now, my paper is a little bit too much information oriented and looked a little but too much like a research paper.
I think the peer review helped me understand the argument of my paper better. In this draft I think I use a good amount of extrinsic evidence and articles. It is effective because it shows the use of Kairos in Colorado especially. I had an article on both before the passing of the Dream Act and after it was presented. I think I did a good job presenting my argument in the end but it was a little unclear at the beginning. I introduced one of the articles but need to refute it earlier. My evidence was strong, but I need to add more of my own words. I need to try to use ethos and pathos in my writing. I plan to go back in my paper and get rid some of the summary I have on the articles and talk in my own words.
ReplyDeleteMy group was very helpful with the feedback I received. They first talked about how I will be using ethos and pathos by talking about me being a student in Colorado and talking about CU Boulder. We also talked about how I will be using many articles from the Denver Post to support my paper with plenty of extrinsic evidence. They gave me some suggestions to improve my paper as well. They told me that I should continue to focus on why Hickenlooper came to the decision to make the budget cuts in education specifically and that they would continue to address the other stasis questions. They also helped me narrow down the specifics about what I will be addressing within the paper. This discussion and review with my group was extremely helpful overall. I now feel that I have a good direction with my paper.
ReplyDeleteFrom the feedback that I received, I know that I did a very thorough job of defining who my audience was and how I was using the rhetorical strategies we have learned about to reel them into my piece. Because our focus is education, almost anyone can find importance in the argument but I did a good job of specifying who I was talking to and why they should be concerned. I think I did okay with evaluating the problem and the various situation that could come about if these budget cuts do actually happen. I need more evidence in my paper, which I have been working on already and sort of knew that before my peers looked at it. With outside evidence, I will be able to support my paper and it will be much stronger. I also need to be less repetitive with my ideas and create a solid thesis before moving onto my other arguments.
ReplyDeleteI did receive some effective suggestions from my peer review group members. For example, I would put my experience for volunteered in the homeless center in this paper, so that make people feel I know what I am writing. Also, I would gave some examples to build up my paper to make some of the idea more stronger. I think I would put some statistics in the beginning paragraph to show the reader why this is a issue that is important to concerned about.
ReplyDeleteIn my draft, two features of my post that are especially effective are my appeal to kairos and the support that I provide for my claims. At first I directly address kairos to the audience but then was able to change my paragraph to convey the kairos of my argument rather than outright stating, “in terms of kairos”. As for extrinsic evidence, I have very specific quotes from various sources that strongly support my claims. Through researching, I was able to find numerous articles, newsletters, and statements regarding renewable energy in Denver which shows how important the topic really is. As for areas of improvement, the section talking about the Middle East needed a lot of work and more information in order to be effective. Also, the leads into extrinsic evidence need work. I need to focus on writing more journalistically rather than school paper writing. There are times that I state my opinion successfully but other times I don’t write through my opinion when I should. As I move forward I need to focus on maturing my writing into less of typical, academic writing. I feel I am a strong writer and my writing has developed tremendously over the past few months but there are ways in which I can still further my writing skills.
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