To help you practice revising your writing on a stylistic level, I’d like you to pick a (substantial) paragraph from any assignment you’ve completed thus far this quarter. (This includes your essay on stress and the high school student, or your first or second DenveRhetor posts.) Identify at least one—but no more than two—elements from today’s reading from Ancient Rhetorics and see if you can use them as you revise your paragraph’s style.
Here are three suggestions if you feel stuck on which element to practice:
First, if your language in this paragraph isn’t as clear and direct as it might be, consider re-writing it (sentence by sentence) to clarify or state more directly (and precisely) the ideas you’re trying to convey. Keep in mind our textbook’s suggestion to “use words in their ordinary and everyday sense” (330), or to avoid circumlocution.
Second, review your paragraph for appropriateness of style. Have you written it in too grand a style or too plain (to use our textbook’s classification)? If so, how could aim for a more appropriate level to your style considering your audience? For many of you, you should be writing at a high-middle level. That is, you’re writing for well-educated audiences, who are not specialists, but expect a thoughtful and semi-formal style.
Third, as you revise your paragraph you might focus on sentence composition. If you tend to use the same kind of sentence (simple, compound, complex, or compound-complex), then revise it to include a variety of sentence types. Or, if you want to have a bit more fun, write your paragraph using one kind of sentence exclusively. What happens if you all of your sentences are simple ones or complex? Then, once you see how this looks, go back and vary your sentence composition to achieve different effects.
Fourth, if you’re feeling more adventurous, pick a figure of language, figure of thought, or trope, to include in this paragraph. Identify a moment in your paragraph in which using such a figure would enhance the impression you’re giving to the reader not just for ornamentation’s sake, but in a way that will enhance your argument.
Once you finish revising this paragraph, post the original one and your revision here as a comment.
A young student girl raises her hand; “How do we resolve this issue then?” He replies, “I have absolutely no idea.” It has taken over 100 years to make a mess out of immigration, and it will take longer to resolve. Miguel begins, “I don’t know what to think about immigration, but it is unacceptable how are dealing with it.” This single sentence sums up his entire view on the issue of immigration. He believes that no matter race, gender, or ethnicity, we should be humane to each other. Not supplying immigrants with medications in detention centers is inhumane. Deporting women and kids with no access to resources is inhumane. Making women take birth control because they will probably be raped is even more inhumane. All of these issues need to be solved in order for immigration to go anywhere.
ReplyDelete“How do we resolve this issue then?” a young girl asks from the audience. “I have absolutely no idea,” he replies. It has taken over 100 years to make a mess out of immigration and it will take longer to resolve it. Miguel “[doesn’t] know what to think about immigration, but it is unacceptable how we are dealing with it.” Miguel argues that no matter the race, gender, or ethnicity of an individual, we should be humane to each other. As Americans, we take inhumane actions towards immigrants; we deport women and kids with no access to resources, we do not supply them with medications, and we make them consume birth control pills in fear of them getting raped. Each one of these actions is inhumane, and Miguel focuses his argument on the unjust actions of Americans. In order for immigration to go anywhere, these issue need to be solved first.
Another reason you need to lay off the pressure on your high school student is because the high school years may be some of the best bonding years for you and your children. Do not ruin this bonding experience by putting unnecessary pressure on your child to do well in school and get into a top university. Once college begins your child may or may not communicate with you as much as they did during high school. You will not know a lot about there personal or school lives, so take advantage of the bonding experience you have with them during the high school years. There are many social pressures from your child’s peers; they do not also need pressure from you. Your high school student is struggling to fit in, be accepted by their peers and teachers, and unconsciously competing with their peers to get the best grade or go to the best college. A lot of pressure is already on them so you do not need to create even more. You are their parents who should be there for them for love and support. Some parents want their children to go to the top colleges and some just want their children to be happy, do the best they can, and accomplish their personal aspirations; these are the things parents should be focusing on. What comes along with these focuses is reduced stress.
ReplyDeleteAnother reason you need to desist the pressure on your high school student is because the high school years are some of the best bonding years for you and your children. Do not ruin this bonding experience by putting unnecessary pressure on your child to do well in school and get into a prestigious university. Once college begins your child may or may not communicate with you as much as they did during high school; this will naturally come along with moving away and not being under your roof anymore, but communication could be even less than you expected. You will not know a lot about there personal or school lives, so take advantage of the bonding experience you have with them during the high school years. There are many social pressures from your child’s peers; they do not also need pressure from you. Your high school student is struggling to fit in, be accepted by their peers and teachers, and unconsciously competing with their peers to get the best grade or go to the premium college. You are their parents who should be there for them for love and support. Some parents want their children to go to the top colleges and some just want their children to be happy, do the best they can, and accomplish their personal aspirations; these are the things you should be focusing on as parents. What comes along with these focuses is reduced stress and happier high school students.
Bush opens her speech, like any would, by acknowledging the many different groups in the audience and finishes her opening remarks by acknowledging the guests of honor, the class of 1990. This makes it very clear who her audience is and also sets the stage for the kinds of topics that she is going to talk about. Obviously for this speech, she has geared her ideas towards the women graduating from Wellesley and going out into the world to start their lives. She does an excellent job of being aware of her audience. Not only does she focus on the fact that these women are graduates moving on to a new phase in their lives, but also that they are all women. This fact has a huge impact on the topics she chooses. After acknowledging everyone there, she flatters Wellesley by speaking very highly of it and talking about how it is “not just an institution but an idea”. These comments show her audience that she is well versed in their interests and makes her seem genuinely interested in them and what they want to hear. This helps her to gain credibility with her audience and also opens her up and shows that she legitimately knows what she is talking about.
ReplyDeleteTo begin her speech, Bush acknowledges the different groups of people who are in the audience and finishes her opening remarks by showing her respect for the guests of honor, the Class of 1990. Stating exactly who her audience is helps her to bring out the specific themes that she will use in relation to her audience. The speech and topics are geared toward the women in the Class of 1990 who are in a changing state in their lives. She focuses both on the fact that they are moving on to a new phase and also that they are all women, which shows her awareness of her audience.
The recent editorial in the Denver Post titled, “Share Civic Center for Big Air event? You bet”, addresses the Big Air skiing and riding competition in downtown Denver. Freestyle skiers and snowboarders from all over the world, join together in downtown Denver to throw some of the best tricks seen in the World Cup. The event draws in hundreds of people and costs roughly $800,000. The ramp, built of steel, scaffolding, and man-made snow is “101 feet high, 300 feet long and 80 feet wide”. Although this event seems incredible there’s a catch. People are upset that the public park gets closed to the public for an event that costs more than $45 to attend. People are upset that it jeopardizes the condition of the park because of the construction and enormous crowds. People are upset by the thought of commercializing a natural landmark for Denver citizens. This editorial is in favor of the event over preservation of the public park, in this specific case, because it is an honor to host the Big Air competition in Denver. This is such special event that most Denverites take pride in attending.
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ReplyDeleteThere is a recent flurry of political activity in Colorado higher than what many would consider normal. Denver’s previous mayor recently became governor of Colorado, a new secretary of state (Scott Gessler) was just elected, as well as a new treasurer (Walker Stapleton). In local politics, there seems to be a recent trend of working part time jobs in addition to the job a particular politician was elected for. Gessler plans to work five hours per week moonlighting for his previous law firm; Stapleton will be consulting for his previous firm as well; Attorney General John Suthers is a part-time law professor at both the University of Denver and University of Colorado- Colorado Springs. It is possible that the pay state officials receive is too low. Unfortunately, this relatively low pay leads to less time spent working on local political affairs which need to be addressed. A full-time economic director is a possible necessity given the state of the job market (The Denver Post, 2011). The editors of The Denver Post tackled the issue of payment of elected state officials in relation to the amount of time they are spending doing the job they were elected to perform. Throughout the editorial, Colorado needs full-time leaders, the editors address the issue in a way that keeps the concept relevant and important to the citizens of Colorado.
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There is a recent flurry of political activity in Colorado, higher than what many would consider normal. Denver’s previous mayor recently became governor of Colorado, a new secretary of state (Scott Gessler) was just elected, as well as a new treasurer (Walker Stapleton). In local politics, there seems to be a trend of working part time jobs in addition to the job a particular politician was elected for; not exactly the hope of Colorado citizens. Gessler plans to work five hours per week moonlighting for his previous law firm; Stapleton will be consulting for his previous firm as well; Attorney General John Suthers is a part-time law professor at both the University of Denver and University of Colorado- Colorado Springs. It is possible that the pay state officials receive is too low, so this relatively low pay leads to less time spent working on local political affairs which need to be addressed. Denver needs a moderator; a full-time economic director is a possible necessity given the state of the job market (The Denver Post, 2011). The editors of The Denver Post tackled the issue of payment of elected state officials in relation to the amount of time they are spending doing the job they were elected to perform. Throughout the editorial, Colorado needs full-time leaders, the editors address the issue in a way that keeps the concept relevant and important to the citizens of Colorado.
Although this speech was delivered three years later, there are still people grieving from loss and a city trying to rebuild itself after such a horrifying event. Towards the beginning of the speech, Rice gives her condolences to those citizens that had lost someone who was involved in the attacks. In some way, this gives her an upper hand because she is reaching for a memory in people’s minds that is an area of weakness, and brings back a time when people had nowhere else to turn except to the higher government power. By bringing up a moment when things were not going well, Rice is reminding the audience of a time when the country was united by tragedy and thus gives them a reason to listen and respect her. It also gives her and the audience a commonplace, because it is something that impacted every citizen.
ReplyDeleteThis speech may have been delivered three years after the tragic day, but there are still people grieving from loss and a city trying to rebuild itself after such a horrible day in history. In the beginning, Rice says sympathetic words to the citizens of our country that had lost someone who was involved in the attacks. In some ways, this gives her an upper hang because she is pointing out a specific memory in people’s minds that is an area of weakness, and brings up a time when people had nowhere else to turn except the superior power. By reminding the audience of a time when life was not going well, Rice is reminding them of America being united as a country thus giving them a reason to listen and respect her. Bringing up a time a tragedy also gives her a commonplace with the audience, because it was an event that impacted every citizen of the country.
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ReplyDeleteThe editorial, “Leave immigrant law in the desert”, is about the issue of what to do with illegal immigrants in Colorado. There has been another bill introduced by Sen. Kent Lambert, R-Colorado Springs, that the author of the editorial feels is unnecessary and redundant (The Denver Post). They feel this bill also may be too permitting of misconduct towards illegal immigrants, or people that “look” like illegal immigrants: “Lambert told The Post his bill goes a step further than earlier Colorado laws by allowing police to arrest people if there is probable cause to believe they are in the country illegally or if they have committed serious crimes or are facing deportation. The phrase ‘probable cause’ is most worrisome.” (The Denver Post) The editorial, by and large, is well written and strong.
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The editorial, “Leave immigrant law in the desert”, is about the issue of what to do with illegal immigrants in Colorado. Because it may be too permitting of misconduct towards illegal immigrants (or those that may “look” illegal), the author of the editorial feels the bill is unnecessary and redundant. The author states “Lambert told The Post his bill goes a step further than earlier Colorado laws by allowing police to arrest people if there is probable cause to believe they are in the country illegally or if they have committed serious crimes or are facing deportation. The phrase ‘probable cause’ is most worrisome.” (The Denver Post). Through the author’s writing, the audience will begin to feel a bit concerned.